As I wrote in my last blog, God has been speaking to me so
intimately as He prepares me to step out with Roger to build HIS church.
As you have read, it hasn’t been easy… to be honest I’ve never
experienced such intense opposition and yet I can sense more than ever HIS
leading, HIS divine guidance and protection to Roger and I and what HE IS
CALLING us to do for Him. Even our
kids are marveling at His hand on us.
A real awakening for me in all of this, was His reaffirmation
spoken so vividly to me. To be honest,
I got to the point where it just was so intense I’m not sure it’s even worth
it.. and yet His holy awakening cut straight through my heart.
As I mentioned in this past little while, I’ve been pressing
into the top of the mountain to be with Him. These forty days of just wanting HIM to teach me, to affirm
me, to show me HIS glory. Oh that
the greatest thing to inspire me would literally be HIS presence.
SO….
The Lord had orchestrated that I would have to meet up with
this man that I hadn’t seen for a few years to pick something up. It wasn’t my design but God’s. And as we sat and spoke, I could sense
His prophetic gifting which we had shared a few years ago. I knew what He was saying wasn’t his
own words I could feel it as if Christ was speaking it to me sitting in the
chair across from me.
“Carrie… you’re through one battle but there’s another
one. Don’t let down your
guard.”
I agreed wholeheartedly and to be honest, feel that this
will be the case for the rest of our lives as we step out to lead for HIM. We will need to be more on guard than
ever.
It was his next words that shocked me most. He put his hand on the table and pushed
his thumb hard into it. “You’ve
been held under the thumb not fully released to minister in the giftings God’s
given you. Now you are
released. Fly. Redefine what God’s given you. Don’t let being a woman hold you
back.”
He knows Roger well and with that said, “Roger is secure and
trusts you fully and you him. Let
God use you guys powerfully.”
I nodded my head but only partially let it sink in. I wanted to take it to the Lord. I just don’t want to overstep and
sometimes even doubt my giftings as they sometimes don’t fit a mould of a
typical North American church.
So the next morning in my car with my bible, I poured this
out to the Lord and asked Him to just show me what HE wants. I WANTED HIM more than anything to
affirm me, that I would behold HIS Touch and HIS ANNOINTING. To let me know this is what HE
WANTS. I didn’t even want to
acknowledge this prophetic voice or even Roger as much as I desperately longed
for the LORD’s voice.
HIS voice always trumps for me. And when I know it… this passion spills over me that I can’t
even explain. The same passion
that caused me to move across Canada as a single mom to become a pastor and give
up a blessed corporate life to follow His call.
As I sat there I then began to read the next portion of Luke
that I was studying. Luke
7:36:50. Oh my goodness… I sat
there stunned. But this time…
tears of joy… I hear you Lord… I hear it boldly now. Read the story.
Really read it.
You see the Lord was in the Pharisee’s house, the religious
leader… perhaps a modern day pastor of one of the churches. And as the Lord’s sitting there this
sinful woman who truly loves Jesus stirs up enough courage and literally,
boldly cuts into the whole party to just love Him authentically. Crying, at his feet, kissing him non
stop, anointing him with perfume she bought for him. You know the “Religious Pastor” is not impressed.
“She’s a sinner. “ “SHE’s DIVORCED”. He judges quietly. Hmmmm…
But Jesus answers Simon’s thoughts; “Getting him to answer who will be more
grateful if a debt is cancelled; the one with a smaller debt owing or a large
debt?”
Simon answers correctly, “The one with the larger debt that
was cancelled.”
Jesus then takes his answer and not only expands on it while
rebuking him, he showcases this woman’s worshipful way.
Jesus answers Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my
feet but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this
woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she
has poured perfume on my feet.” (Luke 7:44-47)
Jesus reminds Simon, “To be forgiven much, is to love much.”
Then my Lord turns to me,
“Carrie, this is MY WAY. You see.. worship me… full out, unashamedly. Do not worry about what others think or
say, I will handle them and defend you.
Be bold now. Have the faith to press into that religious circle, but in
the way I’ve taught you. Humbly,
and authentically, sold old to love One… me. In this, many will see that I am true and awesome and worthy
of a life poured out. Beloved… way
back then I was defending authentic worship from sinful women… do you not think
I shall stand and defend when I feel truly loved and honored by your heart and
your actions? NOW lead in
this. LEAD… Lead many to worship
me the way I desire. You are my
Beloved.”
Tears…. Sigh… peace… in my soul.
I am YOUR girl Lord.
Sold out to worship you unashamedly in religious circles or dens of
lions. You have forgiven me much;
a debt I can never repay. I want
to pour out my love through my life now.
Have your way in me.
