Tuesday, March 12, 2013

When My Heart Aches


The last few months have been “intense”, to say the least.  I know the enemy works hard to oppose but I’ve never known such strong aggression from him as he works relentlessly to stop what hasn’t even begun!?  Crazy? YES… but God has taught me to press into Him more than ever.  He will protect.  Much like the enemy wanted to kill Moses as a baby, destroy Daniel in a lion’s den, from fiery furnaces, to prisons, to shipwrecks, etc.  God always trumps when it is HIS desire. 

I felt I was doing so much battling in the spirit I felt empty, drained and began to ache for my first love, just the intimacy of my Jesus.  And so with a heartfelt confession to Brea and Roger during a long car ride, through my tears I said, “I just miss the LORD, the deep connection I have grown to love so much.”  I’ve been battling so much and I just need Him more than ever. I needed to change this approach.” 

So the next day He drew me to my car to have my quiet time with Him.  This was new for me, as I had no idea where we were going.  But He led me down the road to a perched part of a corner of a quiet parking lot in which I could park my car and see the lake and sunrise together as I reached for my bible.

I wanted to study Him a fresh.  I wanted to see Him and sense Him so deeply again…  SO…. He prompted my heart to go to Luke and to read, listen and journal as He reveals HIMSELF to me off the words of the page… verse by verse, at HIS speed.

Oh… I can’t even begin to express…. The INCREDIBLE DIVINE insights He is giving to me…. It’s been so so so CRAZY.  I’ve shared a few with my dad and Roger simply out of excitement but I have been journaling page after page as I wonder if He won’t have me write a book or speak on this in time?   I feel like a kid at Christmas.  (Ask my husband and kids! J)

As I see Him afresh, my heart is moved everyday in a different ways.  Sometimes I want to confess, sometimes praise, sometimes I have a song in my heart I will find on my iPod and mediate on the words or sing. 

But I want you to know it didn’t start pretty.  We were sitting there in the car and I was pouring out my heart just saying, “Lord I need you to show me you’ve called us”.  REMIND ME to this high calling. 

He took my eyes and had me look out of my car.  This is how it started. 

“What do you see, Carrie?”

“The lake… mountains…”

“No, the sign right in front of you.”

“Carrington Rd, perched on top of a Stop sign.”

“No, look again.  Read it aloud.”

“CARRYING A TON”… “STOP”

Tears….  Poured out of me… my heart broke before Him.  And in that moment I let Him have it all.  Remembering His words, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt 11:28-30)
From that moment on He’s begun to fill me with FRESH BREATH even though I haven’t said much to anyone else… as it’s been too intimate.
This was 3 weeks ago that this revelation began, BUT I want to tell you how He spoke to me a couple days ago!  I must leave go to a meeting right now, but I will write more in a few days! 
Can I leave YOU with this thought… no matter who or where you are in life, one thing HE PROMISES YOU…
“But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul.” Deut 4:29
Oh the treasure of THIS PROMISE is so ALIVE AND WELL… I just want to shout it from the mountaintop …. Be real and honest to HIM… His language of love is sincerity.  He so compassionate … watch Him run to you.  It will make you cry even more.  Trust me.

Smitten,
C


 






No comments:

Post a Comment