Behind HIS Wheel

Here I am enroute back from Haiti, driving from Vancouver to Kelowna, alone in my car as I seem to have been plagued with the same virus some of our kids did from Haiti.  I leave my family there to enjoy the family celebration of my mother in laws 70^th  not wanting to risk spreading it to anyone else.  My daughter holds me to say goodbye and I can’t stop crying in her embrace.  I feel so weak, so sick and just needing to get home to my bed.  It’s been weeks.

As I sit in the car and listen to worship music I just continue to bawl, feeling so utterly broken in so many ways.  I feel as if I can’t stop.  Similar to the way I tell my fitness classes to exhale every ounce of stale breath until your lungs are completely empty THEN proceed to inhale… I sense the parallel with my own spirit being completely poured out. 

“What’s wrong with me?”  I wonder.  “What is it?”  Is it that I finally can be true to my own soul now, having completed the task of leading and protecting our group into the unknown world of Haiti?  Is it the sadness I feel for the poor and the Haitian kids -prisoners to their country, when we gallivant and roam freely in luxuries of kings and queens. Why was I born here in Canada? Or am I just so forlorn with my own selfishness and how I can complain about everything, when I really have nothing to complain about.  I contemplate the frailty of my own life.  How poured out I feel and how weak.  Feeling so vulnerable at this time, I have nothing to give and all I can do is cry. 

And then I just begin to pour my heart to the Lord.  Confessing my own selfishness and pride, hating our sinful nature and wanting to step out of it, to be used more for Him, for His glory.  Realizing the less I hold to anything here; clinging to worthless idols, the more I become free to be used powerfully by the hand of God.  Instantly my human thoughts are fearful and think, “People will take advantage of you and use you”… and yet I feel His Spirit through me, diffusing that with, “Do it unto Me (God) and you will never worry about how they react or behave for you will be more caught up with my sheer delight in your obedience.” 

He’s right.  I feel Him so close to me as we drive through the mountains in deep fellowship, my heart so tender to Him.  He then reminds me of how He was the “manna from heaven; the true bread of life”.  And I just had this picture of the way Haitians would flock to one who had food or water in desperate need.  And how the Lord is that offering to me… to you.  He wants me to run to His body and feed on Him daily.  That’s all that matters.  That everyone would find life and life abundantly from the true source.  “This is eternal life that they would KNOW you the only true God and Jesus Christ whom you have sent” (John 17).   As my tears slowly subsided I found myself again declaring, “Lord, I want to “KNOW you and to make you KNOWN.  Please provide more grace to live so sold out to you that things matter so little to me.”  As I said this, the song by Casting Crowns called “Thrive” came on.  I was in awe as I really listened to the lyrics of that song.  He was answering me.

Thrive

Here in this worn and weary land


Where many a dream has died


Like a tree planted by the water


We never will run dry

So living water flowing through


God, we thirst for more of You


Fill our hearts and flood our souls with one desire

Just to know You and to make You known


We lift Your name on high.  
Shine like the sun, make darkness run and hide
.  We know we were made for so much more than ordinary lives.  
Its time for us to more than just survive.  
We were made to thrive

Into Your word, were digging deep
, To know our Father’s heart


Into the world, were reaching out, To show them who You are

Joy unspeakable, faith unsinkable


Love unstoppable, anything is possible

How He used this Haiti trip, this reality and even now my own frailty to simply break me to this point of feeling Him so tenderly.  We spoke the whole 4 hours, with the last hour just listening to His words through the bible I have in my car on cd.  No cell phone, no snack, no person, no stop, would allure me from the sweet presence that He had reclaimed.   Not only in my car but, more importantly on His fresh, clean throne seat of my tender heart.

Haiti Highlights

It's been a while since we've had a wifi connection.  I've gathered a few comments from some in the group, as what would be a better pulse check for you understanding Haiti then from the group of eye witnesses here?

Tamara: It is such a blessing to be back in Haiti, and to have the group to be eyewitnesses. So much love and joy has been poured out. Every day seeing the kids laugh and smile and seeing as a group everyone pouring and receiving is a blessing. God is faithful.

Jess: Before leaving for Haiti, I didn't know most of the people in this group very well, but now, I feel so close to each and every one of them. This trip has been amazing - from seeing my sponsor child and cuddling with the kids at the orphanage, to eating the incredible food and swimming in the Atlantic. God has already taught me so much in this adventure, and I'm just trying to take it in as much as possible.

Brea: This trip is beyond what words could describe, and only an experience can tell. Its so incredible to be with all these Haitians, and do life with these children who have so much joy for the littlest of things. I'm truly in awe of this place and have fallen in love with not only the kids but the nannies, Kim, and the simple culture such a hurting place could offer.

Nathan: I wasn't sure what to expect, but as we drove to our resort, the poverty became real. Yet it didn't bother me because (and I can only see this upon looking back) God gave me hope. Not hope that Haiti would be relieved of poverty but that it would be a place where God is truly glorified. And through our songs at VBS, the hours of infant holding, or the people who said hi to "Miss Tamara", that hope built in me. Not hope for the present, but a hope for "pita" (future). And I am okay with that.

Tyler: Three Highlights:

Returning to the orphanage on the second day and hearing the children remember you and raising their hands so you can pick them up.

Being in the moment with the people around me, not being distracted by Facebook, YouTube, or cell phones.

Being open/allowing God to show off and blow us out of the water with his many provisions. From Airport Security, to accommodations and an incredible translator!

Kevin: Trip Highlights:

1. The main highlight for me was the five young ladies leading the singing oat VBS and the vibrant joy in all the kids' voices.

2. The way the kids at VBS and the orphanage smile when with our young people and are so engaged with them. The talents of our young men especially bring beautiful smiles even to the faces of the nannies, who don't seem to smile easy or often.

3. The tropical thunderstorm the night we shared our hearts with each other. The thunder during our prayers felt like God's voice speaking to us in reply.

Ben: Looking around Haiti I started to wonder why we were even going to try. This entire country seems to be falling apart even after the earthquake had passed years ago. I look into the eyes of a stranger and I see no hope but I look into the eyes of those kids and see only a desire to be loved. This is something I can give in abundance. What Kim and Tamara are doing is changing these kids' lives. We are only human and from a different country so we can only do so much for Haiti. But these kids we can help raise to be the next Prime Minister. These kids can change Haiti for the better if we raise them right. We don't know what God will do but we can hope and pray and these orphans can change a country for the better simply because we helped make their lives more comfortable and gave them joy and love.

Daniel: To sum it all up;  beautiful. The joy they have here; beautiful, the energy and passion they have here; beautiful, and best of all, how they worship and how everything here feels so genuine; beautiful. For despite having little, they have so much we do not; this trip has taught me, among many other lessons, that it is just as Jesus said; "for unless you become as a child, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven".

Our kids lovin' on the orphans.

 Tamara and Jess always with someone on their hips.

 Tyler making balloon animals, a BIG hit for the kids!

 Brea walking down the street with random kids that run out from their hut to hold her hand and walk.

 A VBS kicked up a notch!  :)  That place was shaking!!

 Alyssa in all her glory!

 Roger's new friend, his "Haitian Messi"

 The dresses we one of our 80 year olds in Kelowna, sewed now on the children.  Bless you dear woman!

 Kim who oversees the orphanage and our dear sister!

 Tie-died shirts we made on the children with their new balloon bracelets.  They so looked forward to our visits everyday not knowing what to expect!

Daniel... YES DANIEL... a little chick magnet!  The children adored him.  And he too embraced them fully.  Oh when we all step beyond ourselves to be used, poured out in a love offering to others it's amazing how God will use us.


When all is stripped away God has a way of solidifying what matters most to Him in each of our hearts.  It just takes so long for us to beyond ourselves.  This trip has been life changing for all of us.  He is enough.

We enter this world with nothing, we leave with nothing.  What in the world are we trying to hang on to?

Haiti Trip!!!

Hello friends and family,

We made it safely to Haiti!!!  It was an adventure but everything went quite smoothly considering 26 hours by buses and planes. God is good!

We got to the resort and it is nice and right on the ocean. The owners of the resort run the orphanage, school, old people's home and run a church. They are very busy!

We slept for the first 12 hours after getting very little sleep on the trip.  Then the group was up bright and early so we could get set up for VBS. We had about 70 kids the first day and really enjoyed having fun with them.  We did crafts, taught about the fruit of the Spirit, played games (it was quite funny watching them play California kick ball, not quite by the rules) and sang songs about God (Carrie has lots of energy as a song leader!!).

Then in the afternoon we spent a lot of time at the orphanage and loved on the kids there. It was especially touching to see the group loving on and holding the babies. Even just the toys from the dollar store and a piece of candy lit up their faces.  

It is amazing to me the wealth that we live in.  We don't have to worry about shoes, water, safety, a roof or having clothes.  Many on our team have been struck with this fact even as we did devotions on caring for the least of these and specifically Jesus' parable of the sheep and the goats. Our desire is to be Jesus' hands and feet as we love and care for those we come in contact with.

Also, internet is difficult to get here and so updates may not come as frequently as we initially hoped.  

Airport Transport - Haitian Style

 Playing Soccer on their rock field in their bare feet.

VBS - WestMOUNT Kicks it up a Notch!

Please continue to pray for us in the coming days.  It takes a lot of energy, enthusiasm and love to care for the children here and we want to pour ourselves out for the sake of the gospel.

When Dad Speaks

As I prepared to speak on Father's Day at our church the Lord began to teach me through His word, the powerful influence of a Father's words. 

Take a moment and remember something your Dad has said to you, either good or bad.  Perhaps even something he didn't say, that you wished he had. (i.e. "I love you" or "I'm proud of you").  Some guys brush that off saying it's not very manly and yet I beg to differ if you could realize the return it would have on your children to hear those words come out of your mouth, I believe we would all learn to loosen our tongues in such affirming and loving ways. 

Words matter.  Fact is words are powerful.  Whoever taught us “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me”, lied. The Bible teaches us “death and life are in the power of the tongue”. We have the power to speak life into people and we have the power to speak death as well. (Prov 18:21) I’d say that’s pretty powerful!

Proverbs 15:4  The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.  Proverbs 16:24  Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

When God SPOKE, the heavens and the earth were created. In fact, you could argue that the spoken word might be one of the most powerful things in existence. So, it stands to reason that words people say matter. They are powerful. I believe this is why hearing words from one of the most important people in our lives, our father, have such a huge impact on us.

The apostle Paul when addressing the family specifically makes mention to the fathers both times, reminding them of the influence they have. 

Ephesians 6:4  Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Col 3:21  Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Roger is an amazing father.  The words "I love you" flow out of him constantly to the kids.  If you asked any of our three children, they would instantly tell you with deep conviction that he adores them all!  I realize how much of this even stemmed from his own father whom he loved so much.  His dad would tell him every day that he loved him.  I can see the power of strength that came from that affirmation in Roger's life now.  

As I began to look at this insight more through the lens of scripture, I realized that our Heavenly Father (God) spoke from heaven 3 times all of which were to his Son, Jesus.  And two specific times they almost had the exact same words!!  It was crazy.  I thought it would do we me well to study what was so important that 1. The Father would literally speak from heaven  2. That He would say those same words twice, they obviously must be important and 3. What did words did He actually speak? 

He spoke three simple lines with the most weight and return we could ever imagine.  If only we would take them to our own hearts and let them sink so deeply that they would become the words we hear every single day.

"You are my son."  (You are MY child....)
"Whom I love."  (I LOVE YOU.......)
"With you I am well pleased."  (I am PROUD of you).

This is mentioned not in one but all the gospels. (Matt 3, Mark 1, Luke 3, John 1) Pretty crazy.  Pretty AWESOME! 

What a public display of intimate affection with the Father and the Son.... but the most amazing part is it is now that same affection He lavishes on us, HIS KIDS!  If we believe in Christ and desire Him to be Lord of our life, asking for his forgiveness, He adopts us!  He gives us of HIS Spirit and pours it in our hearts which guarantees our inheritance proving that we are His Children.

Romans 8:9,14-16  "Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.  For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry 'Abba, Father' (which means "Daddy").  The Spirit himself testifies with our Spirit that we are God's children." 

The more we as God's children (His own sons and daughters) realize how MUCH the Father truly loves us... the more confident we become.  The more He leads, the more we obey.   For we begin to realize He really desires the best for us, and loves us without conditions.  We begin to finally trust, which has always been his desire.  And then we become a great threat to the enemy for his lies, shame, guilt, don't control us ... he loses his hold.  For he knows He stands no chance WHEN the true revelation of God's love to you His (Son/Daughter) is understood and received.  

Receive His love afresh this Father's Day.  May it be a turning point in your life.  Here's to a Father will become so proud of and who constantly delights in you!

Isaiah 43:4 (He gave me this verse in my life years ago.... when he truly became my Father.  I mean not just in words, but in life).  

Oh How He loves me....(sigh).

Oh How He LOVES YOU.... (smile).

Guess Who's On Twitter??

I know... I know... I'm so overdue for a blog entry.  Thanks for your patience.  To be honest my deeper writing and correspondence has gone more to the Core group in our church currently.  So as much as I'd like to apologize... I can't, as I feel it is part of the way to which Roger and I are being asked to build a church that is healthy and strong from the inside out.  Now... that being said I do have thoughts daily that I seriously think, "I need to write a blog about that."

I have random thoughts, insights and revelations daily that often I share with my husband and family.  I've even jotted a bunch down on my iPhone.  I shared a few of them with Roger a week ago and he declared, "Babe you need a Twitter account.  Then you can share these more frequently with your followers."  I liked the idea of readily being able to share with you and SO it begins.  Roger set me up with a Twitter account!!!  Yeah Roger!

@CarrieLiegmann

I will still write blogs when I can but for now I shall find delight in sharing ever present truth, REAL truth on a more frequent basis.  My prayer is that they will refresh you, inspire, motivate, even cause you to look deeper beyond the surface of things which is so incredibly shallow.

With the increase of technology may you chose to surround yourself with it in a way that refreshes your soul not drains and wastes your life.

Thank you for the prayers and support you have offered for our new church, WestMOUNT.  God is blessing us immensely.  We are humbled with such favor and desire to pour our lives out in this regard.  For His Kingdom is the only Kingdom that shall stand for eternity.  I believe this with all my heart.  That is why we want to grow HIS TANGIBLE kingdom here and now, in the hearts of people.

Roger and I are somewhat unique in our leader gifting as a couple.  We are learning this new "spiritual dance" of leading together.  It's been fun and interesting at times...

Here's one story:  Three weeks ago, Sunday morning Roger got the Norwalk virus, violently throwing up.  When he got to church, he simply said, "Babe I can't stop throwing up.  You're going to have to preach."
I hadn't even looked at his passage!!  Talk about LIVE REALITY church.  It was a complete stretch for me and yet God simply wanted to speak through me, if I would just be obedient and speak what He's been teaching me for years of my life.

I could literally feel Him bringing His word to life through me.  It blessed me actually as I look back and see what He did.  He taught both our church and myself new meaning to the verse  2 Timothy 4:2  Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season.

Church isn't a show.. or a presentation... it's a community of people that love God and love each other.  Maybe that's why He's provided the theatre for us to meet in, that we would focus solely on Him and the people.  For the church is a body of people, His beloved body, not bricks and mortar.

I gotta go... my husband's waiting patiently for date night.  Join twitter with me... and I'll do my utmost to refresh your soul based on His glorious truth on a more regular basis.

Sincerely,

A girl infatuated with God...

c

An Inconvenient Truth

We as a church are going through the bible book of Matthew in a series called "iWitness".  We started with the Sermon on the Mount based on Jesus' first teaching and our first teaching series at "WestMOUNT"and are continuing on.

One strength God's give both Roger and I, is "maximizer".  It brings us great delight to build into people's lives especially those God is bringing us intentionally at WestMOUNT.  We want to see the gifts they have and help them understand how to use them in their fullness.  Many don't even know what theirs are?? This is an ever present tragic reality in the life of many Christians.  How it must grieve our Father's heart.  Roger and I have chosen, rather than being one of those stats, to step out of complacency and lead in this... and oh the sheer delight that floods my soul when we start to see these sons and daughters of Almighty God find their true identity.  !!!!!!  :)

Even this Sunday at church I was able to bring a fresh story forward in this regard while bridging generations.  One of our Seniors was able to give and eye witness account of a 4 hour ministry session we had had with 12 young adults, him and I, in a restaurant just last week.  SO SO SO powerful... not going to go into right now... but ask any of the 12 there if God was ever present... in the middle of the restaurant?!

Ask the hostess and waiter what they thought.  :)  The funniest thing was Katie(hostess) greeted me by name as Roger and I will go there at times for a glass of wine, but now she was seeing all these wonderful young people and right away said, "Oh you guys are from the church at the theatre?"  :)

Katie and Johnny (our waiter) were eye witnesses to who???  To the HOLY Spirit ... Jesus through us at work.  Even Johnny left really perplexed, saying we were such a nice table.  But as the Senior who was with us (which was orchastrated by God and not planned in my human effort) gave this testimony, it cut to my soul.

He shared in front of this group, that was happy to get to know them and mutually be so warmly received, openly some of his life experiences being honest.   Then he said this, "I have been a Christian for most of my life, but for the first time ever I truly feel like I am a DISCIPLE."

Oh guys.. what a line that was to me.  Disciple.  You know Christian is only mentioned 3 times in the bible and yet "disciple" is peppered throughout the word.  Interesting.  Disciple is the truest form I believe of laying down one's life in love to follow at all costs and without reservation, Jesus Christ.  This takes time to develop and teach, to live through obedience and display especially in a culture where we have all we need and are pretty pridefully complacent in general.

BUT this is indeed the desire of the heart of Roger and I as we obey His call to build HIS church that indeed we would develop disciples.  That the world would be able to look at us and be eye witnesses themselves to Christ in and through us.  NOW that's powerful!  It's God's way in which He brings Himself glory.

I say that because part of building disciples is to be in the word.  HIS WORD.  This is where it begins.  And so part of our diligence as a church body will be to commit to reading Matthew over and over while we teach and grow together in this book of the bible; learning to not only read but then listen and apply as God uses it to speak to us.

Soooo..... (long intro.... I'm getting there..lol)  I'm listening to Matthew in the car on CD, pondering his words, to the high call associated with Jesus' "Come follow me".  I come to a stop light and right before me witness for the first time ever, the actual changing of the numbers of the price on the Petro gas sign as someone pushed a button and the numbers rolled like a slot machine.  I sat in wonder just thinking how convenient that is now a days.  No one with ladders, numbers, signs, etc... but rather a push of the button.  hmmmm...  then the Spirit within me had a deeper lesson to teach me.

Literally in that moment He gave me this thought.  Kid you not.  I pulled over and actually voice recorded the thought that was flowing through me for it wasn't my own.

Here it is:

"We don't even change the numbers on the gas station sign anymore.  Our life is dedicated around convenience.  Everything we do is to try to make life easier.  Think about the convenience Facebook gives to relationships; ( my mind went to phones to contacts, email, Internet, music; convenience with computers from paying bills, research, web, photos, movies, convenience in travel, food, drive thrus, etc.)
Convenience doesn't equal authenticity.  Therefore why would it be any different with what we've made of Christianity?  People want a Christianity that's convenient.  This is the deceitful work of the enemy.  Christ hates our convenience.  Christ reminds us that Love is a sacrifice; the giving of one's life.  How is that convenient??  How I must come out of this culture, even in the definition of Christianity as it stands today.  As a result, this redefines how I look at the word 'inconvenience'.  Hmmm.... perhaps being 'inconvenient' is really the essence of the language of love that I need to reflect on.  Perhaps inconvenient actually turns me towards 'sacrifice' thus defining love."


And in that moment He teaches me.  I absorb it and simply must confess to Him I've fallen way off that mark, but want to recenter with His view.  That my own hands would mirror his ever loving nail pierced hands.    That His hands would become mine as He takes my hands in His and helps me to reach and love with them, through inconvenience and sacrifice.

I am His disciple in the making, always learning but proudly zealous of the one I follow:  MY JESUS CHRIST... MY LORD... MY Saviour.... my sweet lover of my soul.  Oh that even through the touch of my hands, others would feel HIS.

A New Year - ME or Mercy?

His mercies are new to us, every morning.

Lamentations 3:22-23

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.

Thank goodness for that.  There's not a day that goes by in which I don't say or do something I shouldn't... or miss an opportunity to love and care as I ought.  And yet God loves us so much in our little frail state that He declares fresh mercy every day.

If that's daily, I can only imagine, despite my lofty "resolves and desires to accomplish much" how much of His mercy that I shall require of God in our New Year.

It's strange... as despite how ambitious and inspiring I love to be in one hand, in the other I find myself holding desperately the hand of our God which is full of mercy and grace.  I realize I am nothing without Him.

As I sat with Him before the sun rose this morning... I realized we make a big fuss about the NEW YEAR... when time doesn't really even exist with God.  (2 Peter 3:8)  I do however think it's a good time for each of us to stop and reflect on the year gone by and let God paint a vision for us for this New Year.

My heart wants to walk in the sweet spot of His will.  To do and be and accomplish what He desires for me.  I want to be faithful to Him; with what He's entrusted me.  I have this holy fear that is increasingly welling up in me that I will have to answer to Him one day.  I find the closer I get to God the more I sense how unworthy and sinful I am.  How He is so worthy of all we are and have and I am but a little inch worm.... I say that with joy though... just knowing HE IS SO MUCH more.  I cling to the Christ that lives and moves within me... the one I am called to be ONE with.  For He is the only thing I have of worth, that is the truth. Christ in me. The beauty of it, I am finding of late, is I can tell when I am full of His Spirit and when I am acting in more selfish, fleshly ways... I want the fleshly Carrie to die more and more, so that Christ would so evidently live in me, all would see Him and either be drawn or repelled based on what God is doing in their lives.  I want 99% of me to be Christ  and 1% flesh based on this shell I can't redeem immortal until I enter His presence.  I want to aim to lay my mirror down to reflect in His fullness, the reflection of Himself in clarity when He looks upon me.

Maybe this is too deep and I've lost some of you?  Maybe my jargon is a little "too Christianese" so let me try it a different way... how about I share this story from this morning?

I was sitting reading, meditating in Deuteronomy.  (Great book that reflects years gone by and a new commission that reminds us of God's desires for His people as they move into the Promised Land.)  I had so many thoughts as He was teaching... ahhhh... I just LOVE His word.  I get excited when He reveals deep truths to me... there's nothing like it.  Ask Roger, ask my kids how excited I get!  lol

Deut 8:2  Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to HUMBLE you and TEST you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commands.

Moses is reflecting with the Israelites showcasing one of a few reasons they travelled in the desert for 40 years.  So God could humble and test them. ??? Wow.....

Wow.... I thought of my own life and situations and circumstances that are so hard at times.  My deserts, certain areas that have hopelessness associated with them... and yet the Lord is reminding me with comfort, that rather than feeling as if I'd done something to deserve this perhaps He is stripping some things away in my heart to test me.  Wow... wow... He wants my obedience in the hard times.  Even when injustice is done to me He wants me to obey, to forgive, to turn the other cheek.  He's probing deeply into the heart of Carrie.  (...sigh.....)

I then went and listened to Deuteronomy on CD.  And then my heart started to gush... and just cry literally to Him that I want to offer Him all I am and have... I want to be more selfless and to please Him at all times, even when He would take me through the desert.  I don't want to be distracted or even compare with Christian complacency... I want to press in to know His heart, to please Him... to bring a smile on God's face.... wow... I have the opportunity to do this right now based on my faith expressing itself through actions of love, through the power of His Spirit.  We talked for a while... I responded with requests that I've been committing from his word to my heart's memory.  I found such a sense of His presence in and through me.  I love it... it becomes almost like a love bubble but then I came to the grocery store and knew I needed to go in.  I don't want to lose this sense I feel of Him but rather guard it and savour it for as long as I can.

I get in the store to pick up a few things and there is ONE till open.... ONE.  In a huge store and I am 15th in line.  I realized I didn't have my phone on me to make the best of this long wait and yet amazingly enough I held to the peace and patience within and I asked if He could open another checkout?  Nothing for another 5 min.... my test.  ;)  Still patient.  I know surprising...

Then another opens ... YES.... she takes the 2nd in line and with her follows another 7 people.  It's chaos for a few minutes but I walk to that other line.  I follow a biker dude in front of me quickly and we pass a slower lady.  I hear her gently say behind me to the others, "I should've waited in the other line."

I looked at her and knew I passed her and said, "You can go in front of me."

She said it was OK, but I insisted and she did.  Then the biker dude realized I had done this and so he did as well.  :)  Now we had a big line behind us but I still had patience.  Then an older couple was behind me when the wife dropped her pie in a box.  She had a cane so I helped her pick it up.

The pie was now cracked.  I offered to go get her another but she said it was OK, they were just going to go home and eat it.  I looked at her husband and he didn't seem so pleased with her.  He was somewhat frustrated but trying to be patient with her.  I could see it in his eyes and said instantly, "I'll go get you another one."

I literally had to run now as I was in the front of the line and the pies were in the back corner.  The whole line watched me sprint off.  I made it back as fast as I could... and set the pie down.  The husband beamed ear to ear, but the elderly lady took of her mitt, and hunched over grabbed me and hugged me.  Oh my goodness.. I could've melted.  Truly.  She was so graciously appreciative, saying she was struggling so much these days.  Then the biker dude stayed at the end of the till and looked at me in bewilderment.  Truly.  He was somewhat hardened at the beginning but as he reservedly smiled at me, I knew he too was witnessing Christ.  As I grabbed my bags to leave I looked at the lady and said, "You have a wonderful year this year OK?"

And she declared right there ... "Oh dear... I am not going to forget you all year."

And I left and sat in my car and gentle tears of joy welled up in my eyes.

"LORD, I know it's YOU ... in me... I feel you...I love you.... you take every situation, even the hard ones and you gently love and leave this fragrance of Christ all around.  Oh help me Lord... help me to more consciously defer to Christ in me rather than taking things into my own fleshly hands.  Please be my strength in the desert times, reminding me that you will never leave me nor forsake me.  I want to understand more of this mystery of the gospel, which is indeed Christ in me.

I love you Lord.  I love you.  Nothing satisfies my soul like when I sense you in all your fullness within me. (I have goosebumps even now as I write this.)

Lord, I want to not just be full of faith, but faithFUL to you above all.  To please you and to have you trust me more and more with the secret things of God.  To have you laugh at me because you can't get over how excited I get about you!!!  :)  Oh the wonder... the wonder of you....."

*****
Do you KNOW Him?  Really KNOW Him.  Maybe it's the start of a New Year of truly KNOWING Him?  I will write soon to update you more on the church which we marvel at constantly with all God has been doing there but for now I wanted to keep my priority for you as a reader.  That you indeed would be encouraged to press in and KNOW the One that loves you more than you can ever imagine.  I dare you....   ;)

Philippians 3:8-9

⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of KNOWing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.