Behind HIS Wheel

Here I am enroute back from Haiti, driving from Vancouver to Kelowna, alone in my car as I seem to have been plagued with the same virus some of our kids did from Haiti.  I leave my family there to enjoy the family celebration of my mother in laws 70^th  not wanting to risk spreading it to anyone else.  My daughter holds me to say goodbye and I can’t stop crying in her embrace.  I feel so weak, so sick and just needing to get home to my bed.  It’s been weeks.

As I sit in the car and listen to worship music I just continue to bawl, feeling so utterly broken in so many ways.  I feel as if I can’t stop.  Similar to the way I tell my fitness classes to exhale every ounce of stale breath until your lungs are completely empty THEN proceed to inhale… I sense the parallel with my own spirit being completely poured out. 

“What’s wrong with me?”  I wonder.  “What is it?”  Is it that I finally can be true to my own soul now, having completed the task of leading and protecting our group into the unknown world of Haiti?  Is it the sadness I feel for the poor and the Haitian kids -prisoners to their country, when we gallivant and roam freely in luxuries of kings and queens. Why was I born here in Canada? Or am I just so forlorn with my own selfishness and how I can complain about everything, when I really have nothing to complain about.  I contemplate the frailty of my own life.  How poured out I feel and how weak.  Feeling so vulnerable at this time, I have nothing to give and all I can do is cry. 

And then I just begin to pour my heart to the Lord.  Confessing my own selfishness and pride, hating our sinful nature and wanting to step out of it, to be used more for Him, for His glory.  Realizing the less I hold to anything here; clinging to worthless idols, the more I become free to be used powerfully by the hand of God.  Instantly my human thoughts are fearful and think, “People will take advantage of you and use you”… and yet I feel His Spirit through me, diffusing that with, “Do it unto Me (God) and you will never worry about how they react or behave for you will be more caught up with my sheer delight in your obedience.” 

He’s right.  I feel Him so close to me as we drive through the mountains in deep fellowship, my heart so tender to Him.  He then reminds me of how He was the “manna from heaven; the true bread of life”.  And I just had this picture of the way Haitians would flock to one who had food or water in desperate need.  And how the Lord is that offering to me… to you.  He wants me to run to His body and feed on Him daily.  That’s all that matters.  That everyone would find life and life abundantly from the true source.  “This is eternal life that they would KNOW you the only true God and Jesus Christ whom you have sent” (John 17).   As my tears slowly subsided I found myself again declaring, “Lord, I want to “KNOW you and to make you KNOWN.  Please provide more grace to live so sold out to you that things matter so little to me.”  As I said this, the song by Casting Crowns called “Thrive” came on.  I was in awe as I really listened to the lyrics of that song.  He was answering me.

Thrive

Here in this worn and weary land


Where many a dream has died


Like a tree planted by the water


We never will run dry

So living water flowing through


God, we thirst for more of You


Fill our hearts and flood our souls with one desire

Just to know You and to make You known


We lift Your name on high.  
Shine like the sun, make darkness run and hide
.  We know we were made for so much more than ordinary lives.  
Its time for us to more than just survive.  
We were made to thrive

Into Your word, were digging deep
, To know our Father’s heart


Into the world, were reaching out, To show them who You are

Joy unspeakable, faith unsinkable


Love unstoppable, anything is possible

How He used this Haiti trip, this reality and even now my own frailty to simply break me to this point of feeling Him so tenderly.  We spoke the whole 4 hours, with the last hour just listening to His words through the bible I have in my car on cd.  No cell phone, no snack, no person, no stop, would allure me from the sweet presence that He had reclaimed.   Not only in my car but, more importantly on His fresh, clean throne seat of my tender heart.

Haiti Highlights

It's been a while since we've had a wifi connection.  I've gathered a few comments from some in the group, as what would be a better pulse check for you understanding Haiti then from the group of eye witnesses here?

Tamara: It is such a blessing to be back in Haiti, and to have the group to be eyewitnesses. So much love and joy has been poured out. Every day seeing the kids laugh and smile and seeing as a group everyone pouring and receiving is a blessing. God is faithful.

Jess: Before leaving for Haiti, I didn't know most of the people in this group very well, but now, I feel so close to each and every one of them. This trip has been amazing - from seeing my sponsor child and cuddling with the kids at the orphanage, to eating the incredible food and swimming in the Atlantic. God has already taught me so much in this adventure, and I'm just trying to take it in as much as possible.

Brea: This trip is beyond what words could describe, and only an experience can tell. Its so incredible to be with all these Haitians, and do life with these children who have so much joy for the littlest of things. I'm truly in awe of this place and have fallen in love with not only the kids but the nannies, Kim, and the simple culture such a hurting place could offer.

Nathan: I wasn't sure what to expect, but as we drove to our resort, the poverty became real. Yet it didn't bother me because (and I can only see this upon looking back) God gave me hope. Not hope that Haiti would be relieved of poverty but that it would be a place where God is truly glorified. And through our songs at VBS, the hours of infant holding, or the people who said hi to "Miss Tamara", that hope built in me. Not hope for the present, but a hope for "pita" (future). And I am okay with that.

Tyler: Three Highlights:

Returning to the orphanage on the second day and hearing the children remember you and raising their hands so you can pick them up.

Being in the moment with the people around me, not being distracted by Facebook, YouTube, or cell phones.

Being open/allowing God to show off and blow us out of the water with his many provisions. From Airport Security, to accommodations and an incredible translator!

Kevin: Trip Highlights:

1. The main highlight for me was the five young ladies leading the singing oat VBS and the vibrant joy in all the kids' voices.

2. The way the kids at VBS and the orphanage smile when with our young people and are so engaged with them. The talents of our young men especially bring beautiful smiles even to the faces of the nannies, who don't seem to smile easy or often.

3. The tropical thunderstorm the night we shared our hearts with each other. The thunder during our prayers felt like God's voice speaking to us in reply.

Ben: Looking around Haiti I started to wonder why we were even going to try. This entire country seems to be falling apart even after the earthquake had passed years ago. I look into the eyes of a stranger and I see no hope but I look into the eyes of those kids and see only a desire to be loved. This is something I can give in abundance. What Kim and Tamara are doing is changing these kids' lives. We are only human and from a different country so we can only do so much for Haiti. But these kids we can help raise to be the next Prime Minister. These kids can change Haiti for the better if we raise them right. We don't know what God will do but we can hope and pray and these orphans can change a country for the better simply because we helped make their lives more comfortable and gave them joy and love.

Daniel: To sum it all up;  beautiful. The joy they have here; beautiful, the energy and passion they have here; beautiful, and best of all, how they worship and how everything here feels so genuine; beautiful. For despite having little, they have so much we do not; this trip has taught me, among many other lessons, that it is just as Jesus said; "for unless you become as a child, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven".

Our kids lovin' on the orphans.

 Tamara and Jess always with someone on their hips.

 Tyler making balloon animals, a BIG hit for the kids!

 Brea walking down the street with random kids that run out from their hut to hold her hand and walk.

 A VBS kicked up a notch!  :)  That place was shaking!!

 Alyssa in all her glory!

 Roger's new friend, his "Haitian Messi"

 The dresses we one of our 80 year olds in Kelowna, sewed now on the children.  Bless you dear woman!

 Kim who oversees the orphanage and our dear sister!

 Tie-died shirts we made on the children with their new balloon bracelets.  They so looked forward to our visits everyday not knowing what to expect!

Daniel... YES DANIEL... a little chick magnet!  The children adored him.  And he too embraced them fully.  Oh when we all step beyond ourselves to be used, poured out in a love offering to others it's amazing how God will use us.


When all is stripped away God has a way of solidifying what matters most to Him in each of our hearts.  It just takes so long for us to beyond ourselves.  This trip has been life changing for all of us.  He is enough.

We enter this world with nothing, we leave with nothing.  What in the world are we trying to hang on to?

Haiti Trip!!!

Hello friends and family,

We made it safely to Haiti!!!  It was an adventure but everything went quite smoothly considering 26 hours by buses and planes. God is good!

We got to the resort and it is nice and right on the ocean. The owners of the resort run the orphanage, school, old people's home and run a church. They are very busy!

We slept for the first 12 hours after getting very little sleep on the trip.  Then the group was up bright and early so we could get set up for VBS. We had about 70 kids the first day and really enjoyed having fun with them.  We did crafts, taught about the fruit of the Spirit, played games (it was quite funny watching them play California kick ball, not quite by the rules) and sang songs about God (Carrie has lots of energy as a song leader!!).

Then in the afternoon we spent a lot of time at the orphanage and loved on the kids there. It was especially touching to see the group loving on and holding the babies. Even just the toys from the dollar store and a piece of candy lit up their faces.  

It is amazing to me the wealth that we live in.  We don't have to worry about shoes, water, safety, a roof or having clothes.  Many on our team have been struck with this fact even as we did devotions on caring for the least of these and specifically Jesus' parable of the sheep and the goats. Our desire is to be Jesus' hands and feet as we love and care for those we come in contact with.

Also, internet is difficult to get here and so updates may not come as frequently as we initially hoped.  

Airport Transport - Haitian Style

 Playing Soccer on their rock field in their bare feet.

VBS - WestMOUNT Kicks it up a Notch!

Please continue to pray for us in the coming days.  It takes a lot of energy, enthusiasm and love to care for the children here and we want to pour ourselves out for the sake of the gospel.