A New Year - ME or Mercy?

His mercies are new to us, every morning.

Lamentations 3:22-23

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.

Thank goodness for that.  There's not a day that goes by in which I don't say or do something I shouldn't... or miss an opportunity to love and care as I ought.  And yet God loves us so much in our little frail state that He declares fresh mercy every day.

If that's daily, I can only imagine, despite my lofty "resolves and desires to accomplish much" how much of His mercy that I shall require of God in our New Year.

It's strange... as despite how ambitious and inspiring I love to be in one hand, in the other I find myself holding desperately the hand of our God which is full of mercy and grace.  I realize I am nothing without Him.

As I sat with Him before the sun rose this morning... I realized we make a big fuss about the NEW YEAR... when time doesn't really even exist with God.  (2 Peter 3:8)  I do however think it's a good time for each of us to stop and reflect on the year gone by and let God paint a vision for us for this New Year.

My heart wants to walk in the sweet spot of His will.  To do and be and accomplish what He desires for me.  I want to be faithful to Him; with what He's entrusted me.  I have this holy fear that is increasingly welling up in me that I will have to answer to Him one day.  I find the closer I get to God the more I sense how unworthy and sinful I am.  How He is so worthy of all we are and have and I am but a little inch worm.... I say that with joy though... just knowing HE IS SO MUCH more.  I cling to the Christ that lives and moves within me... the one I am called to be ONE with.  For He is the only thing I have of worth, that is the truth. Christ in me. The beauty of it, I am finding of late, is I can tell when I am full of His Spirit and when I am acting in more selfish, fleshly ways... I want the fleshly Carrie to die more and more, so that Christ would so evidently live in me, all would see Him and either be drawn or repelled based on what God is doing in their lives.  I want 99% of me to be Christ  and 1% flesh based on this shell I can't redeem immortal until I enter His presence.  I want to aim to lay my mirror down to reflect in His fullness, the reflection of Himself in clarity when He looks upon me.

Maybe this is too deep and I've lost some of you?  Maybe my jargon is a little "too Christianese" so let me try it a different way... how about I share this story from this morning?

I was sitting reading, meditating in Deuteronomy.  (Great book that reflects years gone by and a new commission that reminds us of God's desires for His people as they move into the Promised Land.)  I had so many thoughts as He was teaching... ahhhh... I just LOVE His word.  I get excited when He reveals deep truths to me... there's nothing like it.  Ask Roger, ask my kids how excited I get!  lol

Deut 8:2  Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to HUMBLE you and TEST you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commands.

Moses is reflecting with the Israelites showcasing one of a few reasons they travelled in the desert for 40 years.  So God could humble and test them. ??? Wow.....

Wow.... I thought of my own life and situations and circumstances that are so hard at times.  My deserts, certain areas that have hopelessness associated with them... and yet the Lord is reminding me with comfort, that rather than feeling as if I'd done something to deserve this perhaps He is stripping some things away in my heart to test me.  Wow... wow... He wants my obedience in the hard times.  Even when injustice is done to me He wants me to obey, to forgive, to turn the other cheek.  He's probing deeply into the heart of Carrie.  (...sigh.....)

I then went and listened to Deuteronomy on CD.  And then my heart started to gush... and just cry literally to Him that I want to offer Him all I am and have... I want to be more selfless and to please Him at all times, even when He would take me through the desert.  I don't want to be distracted or even compare with Christian complacency... I want to press in to know His heart, to please Him... to bring a smile on God's face.... wow... I have the opportunity to do this right now based on my faith expressing itself through actions of love, through the power of His Spirit.  We talked for a while... I responded with requests that I've been committing from his word to my heart's memory.  I found such a sense of His presence in and through me.  I love it... it becomes almost like a love bubble but then I came to the grocery store and knew I needed to go in.  I don't want to lose this sense I feel of Him but rather guard it and savour it for as long as I can.

I get in the store to pick up a few things and there is ONE till open.... ONE.  In a huge store and I am 15th in line.  I realized I didn't have my phone on me to make the best of this long wait and yet amazingly enough I held to the peace and patience within and I asked if He could open another checkout?  Nothing for another 5 min.... my test.  ;)  Still patient.  I know surprising...

Then another opens ... YES.... she takes the 2nd in line and with her follows another 7 people.  It's chaos for a few minutes but I walk to that other line.  I follow a biker dude in front of me quickly and we pass a slower lady.  I hear her gently say behind me to the others, "I should've waited in the other line."

I looked at her and knew I passed her and said, "You can go in front of me."

She said it was OK, but I insisted and she did.  Then the biker dude realized I had done this and so he did as well.  :)  Now we had a big line behind us but I still had patience.  Then an older couple was behind me when the wife dropped her pie in a box.  She had a cane so I helped her pick it up.

The pie was now cracked.  I offered to go get her another but she said it was OK, they were just going to go home and eat it.  I looked at her husband and he didn't seem so pleased with her.  He was somewhat frustrated but trying to be patient with her.  I could see it in his eyes and said instantly, "I'll go get you another one."

I literally had to run now as I was in the front of the line and the pies were in the back corner.  The whole line watched me sprint off.  I made it back as fast as I could... and set the pie down.  The husband beamed ear to ear, but the elderly lady took of her mitt, and hunched over grabbed me and hugged me.  Oh my goodness.. I could've melted.  Truly.  She was so graciously appreciative, saying she was struggling so much these days.  Then the biker dude stayed at the end of the till and looked at me in bewilderment.  Truly.  He was somewhat hardened at the beginning but as he reservedly smiled at me, I knew he too was witnessing Christ.  As I grabbed my bags to leave I looked at the lady and said, "You have a wonderful year this year OK?"

And she declared right there ... "Oh dear... I am not going to forget you all year."

And I left and sat in my car and gentle tears of joy welled up in my eyes.

"LORD, I know it's YOU ... in me... I feel you...I love you.... you take every situation, even the hard ones and you gently love and leave this fragrance of Christ all around.  Oh help me Lord... help me to more consciously defer to Christ in me rather than taking things into my own fleshly hands.  Please be my strength in the desert times, reminding me that you will never leave me nor forsake me.  I want to understand more of this mystery of the gospel, which is indeed Christ in me.

I love you Lord.  I love you.  Nothing satisfies my soul like when I sense you in all your fullness within me. (I have goosebumps even now as I write this.)

Lord, I want to not just be full of faith, but faithFUL to you above all.  To please you and to have you trust me more and more with the secret things of God.  To have you laugh at me because you can't get over how excited I get about you!!!  :)  Oh the wonder... the wonder of you....."

*****
Do you KNOW Him?  Really KNOW Him.  Maybe it's the start of a New Year of truly KNOWING Him?  I will write soon to update you more on the church which we marvel at constantly with all God has been doing there but for now I wanted to keep my priority for you as a reader.  That you indeed would be encouraged to press in and KNOW the One that loves you more than you can ever imagine.  I dare you....   ;)

Philippians 3:8-9

⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of KNOWing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.